Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Big Gimpin'

Okay, so, Vindi here with one from the vaults!  Not being a bitch, but keepin' it real!

There was a dark period of my life many years ago where I decided to use Yahoo Dating.  Not something I am super proud of, but it happened.  And not to say that if you use online dating you should be considered a social pariah, but at the time it was very frowned upon. 

So, I had met like three different guys at this point and didn't really click with any of them.  There was a guy that I talked to a few times on the phone that I really wasn't interested in, but he really wanted to meet me, so I figured, Hey, maybe he just isn't good on the phone, and I gave him a chance.  The day that we were supposed to meet up, my car broke down a few hours before the date.  I was going to cancel, but he was really sad and asked if he could pick me up at home.  Against my better judgement I said yes, but I have excellent creeper vibes and there were none to be found here.  Yes, yes, bad idea, I know.  You can scold me later.

Anyway, my sister, Jem, was living with me at the time and the guy came to the door and she told me that my date was here.  I came out and gave him a hug and said I would be right back and he said, "Okay, I'm gonna go get the car ready."  I fixed my hair and grabbed my jacket and as I'm heading for the front door, Jem is on the couch in the living room dying of laughter and she gets out a "Have fun on your date!  Bahahaha!"  Hmm, that was weird... I thought to myself. 

I close the front door behind me and I see what Jem was laughing about.  The hell?  I'm standing at the front door and he is still heading towards his car... He would take one step and was literally dragging the other leg behind him.  Holy shit, that would have been good to know!  I compose myself and head out to the car.  I'm not going to cancel the date because he's gimpy.  He might be a really awesome guy.  Who knows?  But yeah, that wasn't the case.

We finally get in his car and he asks where I want to go and I told him that we could go to Starbucks or something.  We drive past two Starbucks and he drives us up into the Berkeley hills.  Kinda creepy and far away from civilization.  Oh shit, what have I gotten myself into? 

He stops the car and we start talking.  He is the absolute worst conversationalist I have ever met.  He tells me how he's 31 and lives with his mom in the basement and starts talking about a skunk infestation in their backyard and all this incredibly random shit.  It was so boring.  I tried so hard to listen, but he wouldn't even give me a chance to comment on things, so I just tuned him out after a while.  Then he asks me what kinds of things I like to do and I name a whole bunch of things and I absentmindedly say, "Oh, and hiking is fun.  Have you ever hiked at Briones?"  Keep in mind that he has not once brought up his leg issue and I was too scared to ask and we had been talking so long that I had totally forgot about it.  He looked pissed.  I apologized and knew that I had to get the hell outta Dodge.  "I also like video games.  We can go back to my place and play some.  Like, uh, now?" 

He agreed and seemed excited.  I felt really bad lying to him, but I had kind of backed myself into a corner with this one and I had to get home in once piece.  A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!  We get back to my place and I tell him that I had a nice night but that I didn't think that we had any kind of connection and that we should cut the date short.  I didn't know how else to say it.  Once again he was pissed.

"So, that's it?  You just used me to get a ride home?  That's pretty shitty."  I apologized again and as I walked up to the front door I could have sworn I heard him call me a bitch under his breath.  It was a horrible night.

I get inside and I tell Jem everything that happened on the date.  She told me that he was weird with her and that she knew it wasn't going to go well and that the gimpy thing was just frosting on the cake.  I told him about where he took me for our date and how creepy it was.  She just looked at me and laughed. 

"Hahaha!  At least you know if you had to run out into the night that his ass wouldn't be able to catch you!"

Sisters.  Gotta love 'em!

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